Brb I’m Melting

Somebody PLEASE explain to me why the gym is apparently incapable of turning on the AC or AT LEAST cracking a window. Seriously. I very rarely go to the big box gym. I usually go to the gym in my apartment complex. Mainly because I can starfish breathe for a minute before hitting the gym. However, today I decided that in the interest of working out before 9pm, I should head to the big old chain gym. BIG MISTAKE.

Sometimes I work out during lunch and I’ve noticed lately that the gym is approximately 110% humidity and about 9,000 degrees. Well today it had to be at its absolute worst. Seriously you walked in and it was like BAM instant slap in the face with humidity from other creatures’ sweat. REPULSIVE.

There is nothing more terrifying for a germaphobe like myself than knowing I’m sucking wind on sweaty air. UGH. I choked through 2.5 miles for speed (not pace) and PEACED the HECK out of there. I seriously think I melted. I’m all for a good workout but not because it’s hotter and more humid than Florida in the middle of August.

On another gym rant, some absolutely scumbag (I’m keeping this very PG – my term to describe him is much more colorful) GRILLED me for a good 15 minutes. I’m minding my own business, purely trying to hurl myself forward in a bleak attempt to run, and this 80’s Geraldo Rivera wannabe is legit piercing my soul with his eyes. And not in some Fabio way either. Just straight mean mugging me.

Geraldo Rivera

I kid you not he looked like this but wearing a crew neck sweatshirt and ankle elastic band sweats. 

To make things even worse he was legit “hooving” or “pawing” at the treadmill which was set to about -13mph. Like you’re not even WALKING BRO!! And you’re going to stare me down.

Pawing

He’s not even worthy of any dog walking on treadmill GIF. You sir are a cat pawing a treadmill.

After about 5 minutes and 2 angry tweets, I realized that this psycho was just going to grill me. Grill me all you want buddy this image is not going to get any prettier. The best part was after about 10 minutes of “pawing” the treadmill he takes his sweatshirt off like he’s truly exerting himself. Meanwhile Alison looked like this:

Treadmill

With a little touch of this:

Run and Fail

All while still running at a pace about 10 times as fast him. But hey bro you stare me down. Totes logical. I basically left the gym looking like a hot mess while this guy hooved around on the treadmill like a little unicorn. Here’s my message to you amigo:

Haters

I promise I am not a judgmental gym person. I typically am very happy people are at least at the gym and working out. I usually only get judge-y when the juice heads and ho-hos lady juice heads decide to skip putting on clothes and work out essentially naked.

I then proceeded to go to Target to try and find Ben and Jerry’s PB Core ice packs with no luck. Did manage to pick up some water, a mini bag of cadbury eggs (those things are like CRACK), and some bananas. All in all it was a pretty typical Monday.

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